Ma Virtual Diary

what are the odds of u dreaming a same dream twice but in two different occassions and the dreams continue off from each other??…its like some point in time, u dreamt about "something" until Point A….and this time, u get to back track a few "scenes of that something" before reaching Point A and then your dream continues on to go to Point B…amazing huh? i feel pretty amazed myself…

well, i dont exactly remember much from the first part of the dream cause its been quite sometime ago..i remember i was in an island in a resort, doing something and all of a sudden, something happened ( dun remember whats that something ) and everyone scrambled off to boats..i got into my boat with a few other fellas..the boat was like half filled with water, probably goin to sink soon but we still ride on…in the boat there was 1 injured person with a badly wounded leg and theres another person whos discriminating against this injured person and i was looking from behind…and i remembered until here…

this morning, the dream continued…it started off from where i left off in the first dream…everyone running around scrambling to the boat..i remember it clearly cause its the same group of ppl, same injured person, same injuries, same discrimination by the 1 person…this time, the boat sped off and half way through that, another guy jumped on the boat…as we were cruising through the sea water..amazing thing is that i see crocodiles swimming together with salt water fishes??…there were many interesting fishes that i would see during my dive trip but now they are swimming in shallow waters???…a guy in the boat got so interested in those fishes that he decided to dive in before i could say "there are crocodiles around !!"…

then the boat arrived to a fishing village, we were cruising through the village when we reached a bottle neck and so we decided to back the boat up and try a different route..all of a sudden we crashed into a huge red crab and the boat capsized..i was washed by the current to another spot..then i saw the ppl in the boat being attacked by the huge crab…i had my scuba unit on ( suddenly out of nowhere ) and so i dived in trying to save them by distracting the crab..i was captured by the crab and was about to be eaten by the crab..once i saw that i was successful in distracting the crab and all the boat ppl are safely on shore, i struggled to escape and amazingly i did..i climbed up to a higher spot and before i knew it, the spot was filled with hungry crocodiles !!!…as i struggled to think of a solution..all of a sudden the sea water went down and fisherman from the fishing village started appearing and killing all these huge fishes which was threatening our safety…i jumped down from the high area and before you know it, i was in the fishing village and everyone was preparing ikan bakar and selling them like hot cakes !!!

and thats where the dream ended this time…i wonder if theres goin to be a 3rd installment to this dream…hmmm…

i just love my friday evenings…as i walk out from the office..i just feel fresh and relax that i can finally leave the office environment for a longer period than 24hours…the sun seems to be shinning extremely better on friday evenings…just about right to get a perfect tan if your going for a swim or dip in the water…just about right to bersukan and most importantly, just about right to get you started with weekend plans !!!

well..i have always heard of TGIF being Thank God Its Friday..so i decided to look up Wikipedia and heres the definition given.."Starting in America, it has become a common expression of relief at the end of the work week and anticipation of relaxing or partying over the weekend. The phrase was further popularised by the 1978 movie starring Donna Summer, Thank God It’s Friday. The phrase has also become common for advertising and promotional materials. On college campuses beginning in the 1970s, the phrase (sometimes shortened to "TG") became associated with Friday afternoon beer parties, usually held outdoors."

how interesting…initially when i first realized that i get this relaxation/satisfaction on friday evenings, i thought it was just probably the location that i m..i.e office environment, etc…but a few years after…i m still feeling the same on friday evenings…

ahhhh….excellent start to weekends..savour your friday evenings !!

as i was sitting down first thing this morning reflecting on my last week’s life..a few memorable events occurred and as i m savouring it, i hav come to realize that lady in green was right after all…all you need is a little bit of heart and the memory will stick longer than u think it would without you even putting effort to remember…we were having this discussion where i was being complained that i dont remember much stuff, ya da ya da..and my response was.."heyy..these are small stuffs man..i dont remember small stuffs..i dont know where to store them..and besides..it doesnt seem to be important"…replied that i got was.."aiyar..all you need is heart la..then u can remember wan.."…at that point of time, i was thinking…"shhessshhh..what a childish reply…everything that i do has got heart elements in it man..just because i dont remember a couple of stuff, and your saying i dont have heart..common on…gimme a break !!"

as i m recalling this conversation with lady in green…i realized that i have probably contradicted myself big time…if i didnt hav heart..theres no way i could remember a route to klang which i hav only travelled twice and that was 3 years ago memory…all the landmarks are still fresh as if it was inputted 2 hours ago…if i didnt hav heart…how could i hav remembered email contents which was like 3-6 years ago…words and expression in those emails are still fresh as if it was typed 2 hours ago….and amazingly..i cant bloody remember simple things like A13A16 !!! and i still have to remind myself passing by every morning so that i wont forget….

goshhhh….i owe u big big big time apology lady in green…so sorry for always forgetting…things that are not important to me are not necessary unimportant to u..i have always known that for a fact but i guess i just didnt really wanna bother myself with it…will i hav the heart to remember things better next time?? i dont know..if one day u realized i could…then i guess the heart is there…i guess i m not good in putting effort in things that comes naturally to me..if it comes then it comes i guess without effort…else u can be putting alot of effort in it but it still doesnt come…funny how this life works…

ahhhh..today has been a memorable day…goshhh..its coming back faster than i had anticipated it to be….amazing..all u need is a small little kick and vrrrummppphhh..the engine starts roaring…as i m sitting down here typing this blog…i realized the last time i logon to sap notes to seriously read about issues and find resolutions after office hours was like exactly sometime this time 2 years ago…back then i was working with Walnut Senior…heheheh..there were only 2 of us in that discovery project and it was so much fun working with her..WALNUT SENIOR i miss you so so so much !!! ( she will never know the existence of this blog cause this lady is one hell of a workaholic…not just with formal work but charity work as well )…

back then, the assignment was to research on a new product introduced and go figure out how we can market this product and make it work for us as a packaged software…those endless hours of researching and discussion made our frenship bond very strong…one of my saddest moment leaving that company was that i hav to leave a commrade behind…it always break my heart thinking about how we can never work together again as we are in 2 completely different fields of expertise brought together just because boss wanted this new product to be realized…

reading and browsing through the notes now brings back nostalgic memories..but it also meant one thing, violation of my own personal rule that i will never bring work home !!!…muahahaha..basically since leaving that project with walnut senior, i was thinking, that was it..i m never gonna bring work back home cause i dont think anyone would ever appreciate my effort n time as much as walnut senior….but then again..after arguing with myself…i m doing this for the sake of my new indian collegue..and it doesnt really matter if anyone appreciates it or not because i m bringing work back home this time to help him…i feel obliged because i have managed to help everyone in the team with the software patch/installation except for his..darnn…i wonder what am i missing???

its a good feeling..its good to go back to what you did once upon a time…it brings the "alive" feeling back that once upon a time i was that…and i would always be a better version of that…must not forget, must always remember !!…when was the last time…what it was like the last time…what i hav hoped for it to turn out in the future, the last time i thought about it…

ah leng is back in town y’all….be ready..be prepared…for his arrival…

One fine day, an email of meeting invite came stating that the CEO of our company will be flying in from US to meet us so everyone has to be in the office by 8.30am on Monday…I was thinking “Crap…another early morning challenge..what a waste of time its goin to be..”…then my manager sent an email…his last paragraph in that email was…”if u hav a valid reason not to be present, please email me..”….immediately I thought, “whoaaa..chance chance to skip the bloody meeting !!”…so I convenient replied that email and said..”hey boss, I don’t think I hav a valid reason to attend this meeting”…of course..which boss would be happy to hear his/her employee replied that??..so he replied…” if u don’t have a valid reason to be absent, please be present, its not everytime that u get to meet the CEO and get to hear from him personally..”…and then I was thinking..”damm…already want us to go, send the email for wat la? Waste my time and effort in replying the email..”

Come Monday, I was still reluctant to attend the meeting…my alarm rang @ 6.30am..and I was thinking..”screw the meeting..i m goin to bed till 7am then see how”…moreover, it started raining…sure goin to be jam…alarm then rang @ 7am…”aihhh..OK la..can wake up, lets go for the meeting la”..took my usual route to the office and it was jam…”damm…time to get ready to sms my manager d..saying traffic jam, cant make it to the meeting on time”….muahahaha…like I mentioned in my previous blog, it can be pretty amazing when u find 101 excuses not to do something instead of thinking about 1 to make you do it??..negativity !!

But the ironic thing is that though traffic was jam, but it wasn’t a good enuff jam to cause major delay in reaching on time…I knew I could still reach on time and I was cursing..arrrghhh..why isn’t this traffic jam any worst???…now I hav to be at the meeting !!!…reached the office, just in time..apparently the CEO arrival was greeted by kompang and the whole building could be heard…so I sat down..looked around me and thought…”ahhh..one good thing out of this meeting, I finally can see “ppl” whom I hav no chance to see…lets look around !! “…then I was thinking…”damm..this room is full of people who are so gung ho..i feel that its rather stupid for them to behave so just because a CEO is visiting them”..then I got an sms reply that said “ just because u think is stupid, doesn’t mean ppl are stupid !!”..and I replied that sms by saying “

ur

probably right, I must not be bias in this case”…so I thought I should give this guy a chance and see what he has to say..so I started listening attentively and ignored my negative thoughts and negative assumptions..

Initially, it was just normal talk, company prospect, company history, company directions, ya da ya da…and then he said 1 phrase that totally caught my whole attention and my whole world revolves around him immediately after…he said , “as far as I know, I am the only CEO so far who has managed to build a company that is listed as a Fortune 500 company without even graduating from college”…..and he continued saying..”when I first ventured into startup,I came to a point where I had no money to pay my employees…ZERO in my payroll..so I had to find for help…etc etc…so what I m trying to say here is that..never be afraid of failure and always be willing to take risk…do it, just do it”….wahhh…I was thinking, usually when I read these words from motivational books, etc, it doesn’t make much UMPPPHHH..but hearing it from a person whos been there, done that…it makes a whole lot of difference !!

By the end of the meeting, I took home 2 major things…1^st is about myself…I hardly give ppl opportunity these days…they get shot down pretty quickly by me…muahahhaa..dont know why I have become such a person…but I think its just a temporary thing..i believe I can get back to the ME who usually gives ppl opportunity and be more tolerant with what they hav to say and do….life is about accepting people for who they are and learn to live with them around you…mmmm…gosh..i haven’t told myself this statement for a very very long time now…it seems like its all coming back…2^nd thing would be whatever the CEO has mentioned, the motivational contents of it..i would definitely need it and remind myself to be positive at all times if I do execute my “flying” plans…phewwwww..ganbate !!!…

Also my ego-ness and stubbornness in today’s engagement meeting has reminded me of a lesson sir once taught me long long time ago..he said..”ah leng..u must always treat life like a bowl/bucket, where water that flows into it are like knowledge..u must always ensure that

ur

bowl/bucket is solid enuff so that no water will flow out without you realizing it and always treasure every drop of water because when u need a full bucket of water that time, these small droplets will make a difference !!”….ahhh..what wise words that came ringing to my ears as I analyzed the mistakes I have made in my life today…how can I forget such lesson that I have learnt from my master???….i must remind myself constantly of the lessons I have learnt through those endless nites of yam cha session while being brushed brutally with a metal brush of life’s lessons…after all I m today because of that, I must not forget my roots…I must not disappoint my master by being such a failure….focus..focus…gain back that lost strength..find the light..find the path back…

i wonder if its too early to list down a couple of new year resolution for next year??..well, this year is pretty much done with just 3 months remaining before the year ends..nothing much can be done in 3 months..i guess i would need to use it to pen down things which i wanna achieve for the next following year and start evaluating if its feasible or not…i hav a couple of things in my mind already ( thank god, it came back..and its still coming back )…already put it down on paper but have not formally formalized it into action items..well, one point of time i was thinking probably i need something solid and stable since i would be leaving 20s soon…now i thinkin probably do something more radical before my 20s end i.e jump off the plane and see how far,how much i can survive, etc

gooshhhh..next challenge is to make a feasible action plan out of it…gonna be tough i tell u…

some poison they say arent harmful but addictive in a way..one of such poison is laziness..i guess the source came from me..in the whole team, i guess i m the only one putting in the least amount of effort in work..muaahahaha..soon, another team started noticing this…and luckily my relationship with the other team members was lunch buddies so they were pretty fine with it…

then they started asking one day..whats the secret to being lazy and not get caught??…i told them theres no such thing as not being caught, its a matter of whether ppl would wanna take notice of it and take action upon you or not…so the real deal is actually not to give them opportunity to take action upon u..they make notice but they cant take action cause ur not leaving any room of opportunity for them to do so…i guess this is how i’ve been doing it all this while…and then they asked, what kinda of excuse would you need to give then?..i told them just simple logical excuses..dont hav to be out of this world kinda excuses…and so they understood…

today, proved to be a milestone since we had the above conversation…we went for a long bak kut teh lunch in klang and ended up hanging out together in one of their houses for the whole afternoon..when we got back, we went back only to pack our stuff and go home…wuuuu huuuuu….exciting !!..excellent !!..the poison has been spread !!….

kinda remind me of those ponteng school sessions where we would hang out in one person’s place in school attire…onli this time, in office attire !!..

Pug & Beaver’s Mommy…

You had my heart
and we’ll never be world apart
Maybe in magazines
but you’ll still be my star
Baby cause in the Dark
You can see shiny Cars
And that’s when you need me there
With you I’ll always share
Because

Together we’ll mend your heart
Because …
[CHORUS]

[BRIDGE]
You can run into my Arms
It’s okay don’t be alarmed
(Come into Me)
(There’s no distance in between our love)
So Gonna let the rain pour
I’ll be all you need and more
Because …
[CHORUS]

It’s raining (raining)
Ooo baby it’s raining
baby come into me
Come into me
It’s raining (raining)
Ooo baby it’s raining
You can always come into me
Come into me

i got a small lecture today on coming face to face with anything n everything…as i m sitting down here thinking of what has been said…i could relate one aspect of it to the discussion context…staying online !!!…i always thought it would be cool to stay online in messengers for 24/7 seeing your frens come online and offline in messengers..seeing which one of ur frens are still alive and kicking..putting up status msges to let the whole world know how ya doing, what ya feeling….hoping and wondering if anyone will just "buzz" you asking you how ya doin, whatsup with ur life lately, etc…

but lets face it la huh..who would care and bother??…its just stupid thinking that it would happen easily…u dun buzz ppl, who d hell gonna buzz u? even if u buzz someone, how long would the conversation last? if the conversation last for today, will it last again tomolo and the day after? wont u come back to square 1 again?..so wats the point?..i was telling dugong probably i can run and make bigger circles of squares !!…gagagag…how pathetic now to think of it again…stay connected the motto of the messenger says..walk together plus 2 says…shesshhh….i wonder how much of truth exist in that statement alone…excuse me, excuse me,…i m just passing by…its more like it…;)

…after so many years of staying online in messengers 24/7 as much as i can, tonite i hav decided to shut down my messengers and probably will only open it in the future only when i feel like appearing online…..so dugong, this blog is for u if u do happen to read it !!..thanks…

goshhh..after 1 solid week of watching bleach, i m finally done and reached 139 already..i suddenly feel my eyes are tired, back kinda sore from the constant long hours on the chair and ears kinda deff from long hours of listening to the headphone…but…i think its been worth it…zangetsu rocks !!..muahahaha…

uuuuuu..recently got hooked to bon jovi’s You Wanna Make a Memory…typical bon jovi’s love songs…reminds me of songs from his CrossRoad’s album..

wow..its kinda ironic, now that i m back to life,it seems as if i hav just skipped 1 week of my life, no activities, no socializing..just me and the anime…ahhh..slowly get back to life…

perhaps i should follow bon jovi’s advice, sip some wine, sit down and try to figure life’s mystery..